Play The Game of Relationships To Win

game of relationships
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest

Day 1 - Decide to Play The Game of Relationships To Win

Almost everyone plays the Game of Relationships.  Anyone who has an interest in a relationship is playing the game.  

Most just play the game in a way that is rigged against them winning. 

I am going to give you a strategy and pathway to make relationships simple so you can make them much more likely to be successful.  

Today we’re going to learn about the Game of Relationships and how to win at them.

The adventure of the next 30 days is to go from lost, confused and overwhelmed about relationships to someone that has the knowledge, skills and confidence to get the love they need to nourish, validate and support them. 

Here’s the goal:

To gain the knowledge, skills and confidence to pick the right partner and build a relationship that lasts.

So you get the love you need from the man you love, without changing who you are.

The Goal: A Built To Last Relationship

Most Clients just come to me wanting to find a good man that will love them and stick around.  They’re tired of the ups and downs of dating.  They’re tired of the games and disappointment when relationships don’t work out.

Every rejection, ghosting or relationship failure stings and takes its toll on them.  They begin to question themselves.  

Is there something unloveable about me?

They question whether men even want a relationship now they can get sex at the swipe of an app.

And they question whether relationships can ever work in this fickle world with endless choices.

My job is to reframe your question and focus your efforts where they will be most successful.  

The doubts are understandable.  They are what make us human.  Yet they’re not helpful.

Let’s hold two core facts and keep them as a constant.

  1. Humans are deeply social beings.  We all need love and to belong.  (Yes there are exceptions, but they are relatively few)
  2. There has never been more access to so many single people ever before

What this means is that the raw materials are all in place for you to succeed.  We just need a pathway to it and to remove the blocks in the way.

This is our work.  And this is what I will share with you.

See, most people have somewhere from 1 to maybe 10 relationships to look back on and see the patterns. 

With friends, family and so on, that might go up to 20 or so relationships you can see in detail.  

With a degree in Psychology and doing the work I’ve done for 27 years, I have thousands of relationships that I’ve seen close up without my emotional involvement.  All I’ve looked at is, what is the problem and how is it fixed.

As a result, where individuals fear it’s them or point the finger at their partner, I’ve been able to see so many common patterns that most people wouldn’t have enough data to recognise.  Even if they had, few are nerdy enough to analyse each dynamic like I have.

So over the last five or six years what I have been doing is breaking relationship dynamics to their most fundamental building blocks and building them back together.

The goal I think you really want, isn’t just to find a partner or get into a relationship.  

Getting into a relationship isn’t difficult.  If you did nothing, sooner or later, you would get into a relationship.  

The problem is that if you use the same ideas and frameworks with a new person, you’ll probably find you’ll end up with the same problems. 

Or problems that appear very different, but actually stem from the same dynamic.

The goal of the game of relationships, as we play it, is to build relationships that last. 

That is a monogamous relationship that enhances the lives of both individuals so greatly that neither wants it to end.  A relationship that is strong, secure, respectful and loving.

So our goal in the Perfect Prince Project is to find the right partner.  By right, I mean the partner you can build a relationship that lasts with. 

This is the goal our game is designed to achieve.

Of course, I have to add in a disclaimer here.  We can never be 100% certain that someone is going to be the perfect partner.  The nature of being human means that sometimes we misjudge.  We can never predict what will happen in the future.  

So what we are doing here is developing the awareness, skills and confidence to play the game of relationships more successfully.  

What we can do is increase the probability of succeeding.  And as we develop these skills we can navigate the ups and downs more smoothly and so it might not work for us on our first run out, but it will if we are persistent and learn from our experiences.

going beyond The Myth Of the one

Most people’s idea of finding a great relationship is that they find ‘their One’.

This is a remnant of the Fairy Tale Framework  that we’re going to uncover soon.

So the mainstream view of relationships is that you meet the right person and through this blend of chemistry and fate you then live happily ever after.

That has never been validated in all my experience.  It’s not been discovered from The Gottman Institute’s 40 years of studying relationships.  Nor has it been seen in any psychological research I have seen.

So the mainstream fascination is with how do you find this ‘One’ or ‘the right man’. 

So women want to know where they should go to bump into him.  What message they should send to get his interest and on which dating site.

The reality is that there are many men it could work out for you with.  Some might be right under your nose.  It’s actually about thresholds.

Where chemistry is important is not in when you meet, but in how being around you can change someone.  And vice versa.  Many deep love affairs are with two lovers who weren’t initially attracted to each other.  

The initial chemistry is just lust.  And that is an ingredient for passion, excitement and often a lot of pain and drama.  

Lust is for a fling.  Love is for a relationship.

Your first job isn’t to find the right man.  Because if you did it would probably go as your past relationships have.

Your first task, is to lower your thresholds.

That is to be the person that is able to have successful relationships with lots more men.

Then finding the man is way, way easier.  Your job isn’t to struggle or stress, to make a relationship work or hold his interest, it is to choose of all the possible options who will be the most successful relationship with.

This pathway is all about you.  Most dating programs are focused on how you attract someone.  How you get their attention.  How you make them feel something about you.

The problem is you’re investing all your energy on other people.  Most of whom you’ll have forgotten in a couple of years.  Our work here is to invest in you.  Let’s make you awesome.  Let’s build your knowledge, skills and confidence so that you know you can go out and build a relationship anytime you want.

That is how you win at the Game of Relationships. 

The Strategy: Make Relationships Simple

The way we achieve a Built To Last relationship, is by making relationships as simple as they can be.  Simple is different from easy.  By simple, we mean that you know the decision or action you have to take next.  You know how to make it work.  

Of course, decisions are often difficult.  That is why we have clutter, debt and so many time management solutions. 

We want clear space and also to keep past things. 

We want savings and also shoes. 

We want to do this and also that.  Being clear about your choices and your decisions is how you make relationships simple.

Most relationships are built by people who intend them to last, but they aren’t built consciously to last. 

They are fragile because they are built for good times.

It is like the story of the three little pigs.  

built his quickly from straw and went off to have fun.

took a little longer and built it from wood and then joined his brother.

got an Architect involved, took a bricklaying course and was still building his brick house long after his brothers were enjoying themselves.  

However, when the big bad wolf came, he blew down the straw house. 

He huffed and puffed and eventually blew down the wood house. 

But try as he did, he couldn’t blow down the brick house.  And all three were saved by the Third Little Pig

Psychologists have shown us again and again how poor we are at predicting future happiness.  Most couples get together and believe that their love is so strong that it is all they need to live happily ever after.

They are making the same mistakes as the first two little pigs.  And while the wolf might not actually come and huff and puff, life will rock everything they expect to happen. 

Children will change the dynamic, career changes, money problems, ageing parents and poor health are some of the factors that will threaten the health and happiness of the couple and so the relationship.

Every relationship will be tested.  Some can have a smooth ride for years and then be rocked by a series of setbacks. 

Relationships break when their fragility is unable to withstand the extra stress imposed on the relationship. 

The way we play the game of relationships is by making them antifragile.

The Tactic: Build On Truth

Anti-fragility is a concept coined by Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his excellent book, Antifragile. 

You don’t have to understand all of this, but for the sake of transparency I want to share what is underpinning the system we’re going to be following.

Antifragile describes something that gets stronger the more it is attacked.  Taleb uses the Lernean Hydra from Greek mythology as an example.  

The Hydra was an indestructible multi-headed serpent.  If one of it’s heads was cut off, two grew in its place.  So the more it was attacked the stronger it became.   

Evolution is antifragile.  When the environment changes some species die off.  So some species become extinct, but others adapt.  Those adaptations make the system as a whole stronger.  

The economy is also antifragile.  When situations change some companies and individuals may go bust, but the economy adapts and becomes stronger as individuals and companies learn what works and what doesn’t.  Over time it strengthens from the failures. 

Relationships are fragile when they are built on a narrative that isn’t true.  We will go deeper into the narratives that underpin most relationships in more detail later. 

For now though, it is enough to know that our relationships are fragile when they, or the dynamics they depend on, are built on a narrative that isn’t true.

Therefore, our strategy for strengthening the relationship is to seek truth and adapt to the reality. 

Most relationships work on the expectations, agreements and beliefs in the couples head.  Often these are flawed and this causes misinterpretation, miscommunication and friction between them.

When we embrace truth and cut away flawed narratives we strengthen the relationship.  By truth, I don’t mean my truth, your truth or anything written in a book somewhere.  I mean, reality.  What works and what doesn’t.  The same truth that we discover over time through scientific experiments.

This is very different from the usual relationship tips and advice.  It sounds complex and abstract, but this is the root cause of most relationship problems.  

People build something fragile in a world that doesn’t handle any of us gently. 

When you plant a seed in a hostile soil, all the care in the world doesn’t help. 

In the same way, if you start a relationship on a fragile foundation, you can learn all the skills and techniques you like, but the relationship is much harder to sustain.

That is why we are beginning from the very foundations. 

Some people are driven to be in a relationship as soon as possible from their loneliness. 

They jump into a relationship without really doing the foundational work and within months or years, it breaks and they end up back where they were.  Only more hurt and more untrusting.

If you are like the third little piggy and stick with the pathway you won’t have a ring on your finger in three or six months, but you’ll have the kind of relationship we all crave.

It begins with the decision to play the Game of Relationships to win.

The Key Takeaway

There are two keys that are all you need to take from today.

  1. We’re going to focus all our efforts and energy onto what makes you a better person and more attractive partner.  Not on people who, may or may not, prove to be worth your attention and effort.   
  2. We are going to make relationships simpler.
When relationships are simpler and you are more skilled at navigating them, you have rigged the Game of Relationships in your favour.

The Goal

To gain the knowledge, skills and confidence to pick the right partner and build a relationship that lasts.

So you get the love you need from the man you love, without changing who you are.

Start Here


Share this post with your friends

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *