The Relational Mastery Dojo
The Relational Mastery Dojo
The Relational Mastery Dojo is a place where smart, caring and deep thinking people learn the knowledge, skills and confidence to master relationships.
It is based on one simple principle.
Good relationships are based on solid foundations and good relational skills.
The more emotionally grounded we are, the better our relationships.
The better the partner – for us – we choose, the better, the relationship.
The better our relational skills, the better the relationship.
The Dojo is where we train to develop those three simple (but not easy) skills.
You can do relationships the default way that everyone else does.
I call that the lottery of love. Because only 45% of marriages succeed and a much smaller percentage of other relationships.
When you look around and see how few couples have the relationship you would want, you realise that actual success is much rarer.
Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones from chance, but if you’re here I think you want to be in control of your success.
There are two myths that hold people back from pursuing relational mastery…
The world around you will tell you that love is something that happens. One day you’ll just bump into the ONE and everything will work out perfectly.
Maybe you’ve realised that this fairy tale doesn’t work out for most people and you’re tired of waiting. You want to know how to make it happen.
There are another group of people who will tell you that they have found the secret shortcut to making relationships work.
And they’ll sell you their rules, secrets and texts and you’ll be flooded with girls and guys who will love you and you alone!
Strong, lasting relationships don’t grow from sneaky techniques.
They grow from integrity, trust, respect, communication and kindness.
You can learn seduction. But there is no secret formula to force a lasting love.
If you’ve worked that out you might be ready for the third way…
A great relationship is like a house. How strong and sustainable it is, depends on its foundations.
When relationships are started from loneliness, from desperation or from the hope that someone will be your salvation, they are built on unstable foundations and cracks will soon appear that will be almost impossible to fix.
When relationships begin with two strong individuals who want to come together to create something where both become better through respect, kindness and co-operation they become much simpler and more satisfying.
The person who relies on hope and the person who wants a cheat code is starting from a foundation of desperation.
If you’re reading this, then it means you are someone who thinks deeply about things. It means you aren’t looking for someone to play a role to make you happy.
You are looking for a partner in life, knowing you will have to give as much as you ask for.
After three decades of watching and helping people navigate their relationship turmoils, I have enough pattern recognition to have learned some lessons.
Yes, I do have a curriculum of A-Z to build a relationship wherever you are starting from, but that’s not the real key to you mastering relationships.
You see, the problem with frameworks and formulas is that they work to the extent you understand and implement them.
So the Relational Mastery Curriculum is the starting point. Just as learning the katas and techniques is the start of martial arts.
The real key is how you overcome your fears, anxieties and faulty wiring that happens to us all through the nature of living in this imperfect world.
The Relational Mastery Dojo is a group of students dedicated to this quest, sharing their challenges and struggles and together we are here working it out step by step.
Most people are looking for the perfect person, without knowing who the perfect person for them would be!
So they are looking for a needle in a haystack and find dating a constant disappointment.
Even when they find someone who is a good match, often they just end up being frustrated with unresolvable rows or just not being able to communicate.
Mastery starts with knowing you. Knowing what you need from a relationship. And so who you need to be in a relationship with.
Dating becomes so much easier and more effective when you have a clear criteria beyond the usual shopping list of hot, intelligent and solvent.
Then it’s about understanding what your partner needs as you share what you need. But this isn’t solved by being given a magic script. You need to be emotionally ready and clear.
You build the relationship by making safe communication easier. You build it by removing friction. But again the problem isn’t really a framework, it’s being in the right frame of mind so what you think, say and do are congruent and powerful.
But when you build a relationship on shaky foundations you often can’t fix it. When you commit to someone who doesn’t have the same commitment, or capability to make you happy, there is no secret to magically paper over the cracks.
It is like building a house in an earthquake zone and continually fixing the damage after an eruption.
The big myth that the world will tell you, is that relationships are based on chemistry or the right person.
Relationships are much more complex though. What you do affects your partner. What they do affects you. It is chemistry and physics. That’s enough science though 🙂
Let’s just agree that they are built from the inside out. Not the outside in. The marriage doesn’t make the people. The people make the marriage.
To be strong, it must grow organically. That’s how it gets their strength. From you and your partner’s hopes and dreams becoming meshed together.
This means that the quality of your relationships grows as your knowledge, skills and confidence grows. Because what that does is create the space to allow you to be more of who you are and your partner more of who they are.
Then you have a basis of trust, support and truth.
Your path to relationship success and happiness is unique. The people you meet and the relationships you have are going to be unique. No-one can give you a list of exactly what to say and do in every situation.
What we can do is give you a compass and tell you about the universal aspects.
See, in life there are some common themes. We all need oxygen, water and food. We are all flesh and blood. In the same way, there are universals to our relationships.
Everyone beginning a great relationship faces three fundamental challenges.
All of us have a range from when we’re snappy, irritable and feeling tired to where we are at our most alive, kindest and generous self.
When we are at our worst we see the worst in our partner and bring out the worst in them.
When we are at our best we see the best in them and bring out their best.
When we feel good about ourself, we don’t accept someone who doesn’t treat us well.
When we feel bad about ourself we let things slide and choose people we shouldn’t.
When we feel good about ourselves and have good dating skills we can create a choice of potential partners.
Then we can choose the one who is right for us.
This means we have to know what we need from a partner and so we choose the one who will give us the relationship we need.
Even if we are at our best. Even if we choose a partner who is capable of and willing to build a relationship with.
Most people still end up with a disappointing relationship.
We have been sold a lie about relationships that leads us to create unhappy ones.
Relationships that when they break, we have no solution for. And so every year, perfectly well-matched, loving couples marry. Only to later end up disappointed and often bitter and hurt.
It wasn’t necessarily their fault.
It was just that they didn’t know how to create the structure and climate that would have made the relationship work better.
Self-defence is not about walking into a pub and everyone knowing you are the toughest person in the room.
It is about having the confidence to go about your business without fear.
A true master is humble and peaceful. When pushed though, they are perfectly capable of responding to any threat.
This confidence gives them peace of mind and so they don’t need to prove themselves.
Relational mastery is not necessarily about having an Instagram ready relationship.
It might not even be about having a relationship. There are times when you might choose to be single.
It is about feeling confident that you could at any time find the right partner, operate at a high level within the relationship and build one that worked for both sides.
Relational mastery is having the knowledge, skills and confidence so that relationships aren’t a stress, anxiety or feeling of failure.
Just as having the skill to be a master Martial Artist means you can be free of the fear of being attacked, having relational skills means relationship are no longer a drain on your attention, emotions and energy.
Relationships are essential to us all. But they should not drain all the other areas of our life.
The Relational Mastery Dojo is all about developing the knowledge, skills and confidence to have great relationships and not worry about them.
In life, there’s a certain amount of attention, emotion and energy we have to give to key areas;
We can either be proactive and develop the knowledge, skills and confidence to make these a success and a source of wealth in our lives.
Or we will constantly be dealing with nagging problems.
The Relational Mastery Dojo is the training to master the essential skills of relationships so relationships no longer become a stress, or drain from your life, but a source of strength and joy.
More specifically, it is about being able to know when you’re below par and how to pick yourself up.
It is knowing who to choose as a partner and how to bring out the best in them.
It is having the architectural and engineering skills to design a relationship that works and be able to tweak it whenever there is the first sight of it spluttering.
We can give you support and a place to develop and refine your skills and prepare you for the challenges you’ll face.
That is what the Relational Mastery Dojo is all about.
When you want to learn self-defence you go to a class and train in their dojo.
It’s a safe place to start. There are people you can practice with, who are walking along the same path.
And there’s learnings from your peers with different insights and people who are further down the line.
You don’t get great at self-defence because of who your martial arts teacher is or because of the Dojo you learned at.
It matters that you learn the right thing, but what creates transformation is your attention and effort.
Daniel Coyle in the Talent Code showed that mastery came from hours of practice. Specifically, the attention, emotion and effort you give to something causes neural connections which become hardwired into you as myelin sheath seals them in.
That connection is why habits are so hard to change.
But imagine if you hardwired in positive habits and behaviours that were positive for your relationships. How beneficial to your life would that be?
We’re always interested in finding more people to join us in the Dojo.
However, this is not another course to rush into and never get around to finishing.
This is a deliberate path to mastery.
To ensure it is the right path for you and you will fit in with our community, you need to know a little more about us.
So here’s the Onboarding Training Course, free with no obligation.
In this you’ll get a deeper understanding, so you can determine if this is the course for you.