If you’ve ever been on a dating site you know how terribly written most of the profiles are.
The men with their fish hanging out as they profess their fun side with the most boring text.
The women who come off as nagging shrews with their list of pet hates.
Very few people put out anything interesting or fresh. Everyone is fun and outgoing and loves food, weekends away etc.
So after scrolling through hundreds of profiles they all blur into one and bore everyone.
Dating is a skillset. The skill is the ability to show off your personality and what you’re looking for.
Does everyone read every word?
Of course not. But you should. If you’re going to invest a night on a date with someone it’s worth spending five minutes to consider who they are.
Typically, a well written profile will have more impact for a man than a woman. Many men do just scatter messages working the numbers and seeing who they can attract.
However, just because a large number aren’t going to bother doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth your while clearly showing who you are and what you’re looking for. The man that has more choices and isn’t just looking to fill up his date card (or as I heard in one instance – is passing by at 3.15am and looking to break up his travels with an early morning encounter) will be choosing not just on your photo.
The other element of a well written profile is that it makes it easy to message you. So many women write often on their profile that they want someone to start a conversation with something interesting. Yet they often have two lines on their own profile and miss the irony.
If what you’re looking for is a lasting relationship with someone you connect with, do you need the skillset of the Casanova who can charm your pants off and then disappear?
Or would you be better with someone who might be less comfortable seducing women, but will be there for you through thick and thin?
Making a relationship awesome is a recipe. A key part of that is the ingredients. So a large part of this is making sure that you’re prepared to show up as your best self in the relationship. Another is who you trust with your heart. And that begins with your profile.
So a while back I was approached by Karen. Karen, like many women was finding it a challenge to find a suitable men. She had lots of attention from men her Father’s age. She had the married men and she had the men that messaged like they had to report their numbers to their Boss. But very few of the right people.
So I asked to see her profile and she’d given me a few details of what she did and didn’t want that she hadn’t posted.
The original profile
I am looking for a fun adventurous guy. I am not looking for anything serious but rather lots of fun, laughter and adventures. Chemistry is always a plus and will add to the fun.
K – Kind – I practice kindness with my family, friends, neighbors, wait-staff and the office cleaning staff.
A – Adventurous – I love new adventures. I like experiencing new places, unique foods, variety in music, local plays and meeting new people.
R – Romantic – I love walks on the beach at sunset, red wine and chocolate in front of a fire, holding hands and candlelight dinners for two.
E – Extroverted – I formulate ideas and solve problems based on interaction and input from others that I trust.
N – Normal – Well, normal is relative and in my world…I am pretty normal.
Things I am proud of:
My 3 grown sons that I raised as a single Mom – They are fantastic, independent, positively contributing men that earned their own success.
My employees – I have the best employees any manager could ask to support.
My friends – I have several friends that span decades of friendship. We support each other through the challenges and joys of life.
My career – I have worked as a Paper Mill laborer, swim instructor, shoe factory stitcher and IT professional in many business sectors in Maine.
My volunteerism – I have been a Big Sister, a children’s grief facilitator and a friendly visitor to the elderly.
Things I wish I could conquer:
My fear of heights – some hiking trails take a lot of self-encouragement to crest the summit.
My love of sweets – it is hard to have ice cream in the freezer.
My dislike of scary movies – I get tired of throwing the blanket over my head.
I wanted to make Karen’s profile come to life so she’d get more interaction.
So I wanted her fun personality to come out and show all the qualities she had.
I wanted to give guys lots of starting points that they could use as conversation starters.
Most of all though I wanted it to stand out to the man who was right, while putting off the men who she didn’t want to have to deal with.
My Rewritten Profile
Damsel in distress looking for her Prince (White Horse Optional)
The fairy stories told me it would be easier. That the Prince would ride in and come and sweep me off my feet and we’d ride off for adventures across the kingdom.
It seems that he got lost… or maybe the dragon got him… I’ve put up posters all around town, but someone said I should look on here.
Unfortunately, all I’ve been getting are pictures of genitals. I pass them onto the sexual health clinic or post them around town to give people a laugh.
So anyway, I’ve lived a life that’s full… I’ve travelled each and every highway… (I nearly broke into song) but now I’m looking for someone to travel it with.
I’m looking for the Prince to hold my hand as we stroll along the beach at sunset. The man who I can relax with a glass of wine and chocolate as we laugh about our day. The man I can hide behind when the horror movie gets scary.
I’m looking for the man I can show my softer side. The man worth my love and affection. The man I can support and connect with.
That is just the one guy and not three separate ones by the way 🙂
I’m looking for someone genuine. Not the guy that wants to use CIA level encryption in case I get to know his… gasp… phone number.
Nor am I looking for a protracted texting relationship with someone pretending to be someone else… why do people do that?
Oh and… I’m not looking for a father figure. So if you’re much, much older than me, I’m sure you’re very sweet, but I’m not looking to walk alongside your mobility scooter as we hold hands..
I’m not a great texter… sorry, but I have a busy life and might leave conversations hanging for a few hours.
I would rather look into your eyes as we talk, so I’m looking to have a phone conversation – just to make sure you are a real person – and meet and see if we have a connection sooner rather than later.
I’m waiting for your message, but I’m not looking for a dick pic or the message you copy and paste to 100 girls a night… I’m looking to build a connection… with you.
I know it can be hard to send a cold message, but I’m warm and receptive… so ask me…
about the time I nearly drowned a man…
About my friend that…
About the shoes I made that…
About my time working in a real life Dunder-Miflin
Or about the time I scaled X… and almost had to have counselling from the nerves
Some parts I left blank because I wanted something personal, but I didn’t know enough details yet.
At the time of writing, Karen hasn’t found her Prince yet, but along with a change in dating sites she reports getting more conversations started.
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